Tag Archives: help

Don’t Move and Trust Me

HighwayAs I was driving to the church this morning, down 85, one of the things that I do in my prayer time with God in the morning, is asking Him to order my day, direct my day and give me wisdom to make right decisions, lead effectively, just to have the greatest impact in my day, that is possible. With that being said, there are many things within my personal life and our ministry that we are nothing short of needing God to work out, provide, etc.. As the leader of my home and as the leader of the ministry, the one thing that I don’t want to do is limit the blessings and the flow of God, in either entity, based on anything in my life that may be out of order, that I need to improve, shift my thinking in, etc.. So I began to ask God, “what do I need to do? What needs to change in me? Where am I falling short, by maybe limiting Your outpouring in our lives?”

As I got about 2 miles down 85, I established myself in the center lane and set my cruise control 1 mph under the speed limit and just begin to ride, listen to the music in the background and listen for God to answer me. There were cars going by me left and right, even though I was doing the speed limit. After a short time, a car came right up behind me, riding on my tailgate, flashing their lights at me to get over and out-of-the-way. And it was in that moment that God began to speak to me and answer the question that I had just before asked. He said, “Be still and stay your course; keep moving in the direction that you’re moving, remain within My order, within My limits, and continue to trust Me. Don’t be influenced, or pressured by what’s going on around you, what’s in front of you, and what’s pressing behind you. Just keep moving forward, staying committed to My principles, and trust Me.”

There is nothing more secure and assured than operating in God’s order and in the trust of His wisdom, His leading, His timing and the big one that gets us all, His provision. There are many factors of life, many circumstances, many scenarios, and so many people around you, that will either directly attempt to influence you to move outside of God’s boundaries or ahead of God’s timing, when we just need to be committed to doing it the right way. There are many around you that will indirectly influence you because you will see them moving ahead of you and around you and doing it at a faster pace, seemingly making progress and advancement in life ahead of you; obtaining things quicker than you’re getting them, accomplishing more than what you seem to be accomplishing, but they’re doing it out of God’s order and outside of His boundaries. Do not be urged and influenced by anything or anyone that is moving out of God’s order or attempting to move you out of God’s order. Sometimes you don’t have to know more, you just have to do right by what you do know and it will lead to more.
I was driving towards my destination, making progress, doing it well within the boundaries of the law and those around me were trying to influence me emotionally to shift from that path. And it was in this moment, in a small, practical scenario on Interstate 85, that God chose to encourage me in life and leadership, today. Don’t move and trust Me.
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I Dare The Believer To Read…

RLAIn light of the uproar for the various issues that have circled around the United States over the last couple of weeks, I want to take my time this morning to share some thoughts with those that declare themselves to be followers of the King. I do not generally lend my time, my thoughts and my opinions to discuss political affairs of our nation, quite simply because i’m not a citizen of this world but the Kingdom and I’m simply an ambassador to this earth for the Kingdom. Therefore as an ambassador it is my job not to discuss and promote the affairs of the principles of the Constitution of the land I dwell in, but to communicate, declare and decree the principles, precepts and Constitution of the Kingdom I’ve been sent by. And so should it be for those that profess to be citizens of that same great Kingdom.

I see countless posts, opinions, the sharing of frustrations and emotions and just all out bitterness and despair from those that profess a Kimgdom citizenship. I have to ask this morning, what King do you really believe in? What Constitution is the one you live by and hold precedent in your life? The one of the nation you reside or the one of the native nation that you were sent from? If you know where you were sent from and declaring the laws and precepts of the One you were sent by is your mission, then you have no reason to despair today, because our Kingdom hasn’t crumbled, it hasn’t moved, it hasn’t lost its authority and it’s King has not been overthrown.

My advice to you this morning and really for the remainder of your purpose within the earth, is to quit publicizing the laws of the land. I realize you might be disappointed, hurt or frustrated by whatever has taken place over the last several weeks and even months or years, but you were not sent and commissioned to have faith in the Constitution and leadership of an earthly kingdom, but sent to celebrate and declare by actions, as well as, words the character, truth and mind of the King of all kingdoms. By your frustrating posts, your negative spouts and your cries of pain and frustration in regards to the affairs of this nation, you draw and focus attention to what is temporary and natural, rather than maintaining a peace, a consistency and a confidence in what is supernatural. Remember light dispels darkness, regardless of how big or how small, but it is impossible for the light to be seen, shown, or lived if your focus, by language and action, is on the darkness. You were not given purpose to draw constant attention to the land you’re in, but to declare the reality of the Kingdom you were sent from. Your constant state of upheaval, frustration and alarm by every turn of the tide in the place you reside, shows instability and a lack of faith and belief in the Kingdom that you declare to be an ambassador for. If you don’t believe it yourself, and celebrate it, why should anybody that you have been sent to declare it to, believe it?

I refuse to give attention to the affairs of this nation. Do I have opinions about some things? Certainly! But I was not commissioned by my King to share my opinions, yet only the policies of the Kingdom that I was sent by. Opinions usually put on display a wealth of ignorance, based on partial or unstable information. The information of the nation that we reside in, because it is led by the opinions of man and seeded by the king of culture, will forever remain partial and unstable. But we have been sent by a Kingdom whose information transcends time and culture, whose Constitutional Author is the same then, now and forevermore. The articles of our nation cannot be added to, nor taken away from. They will never be ratified or amended. So I ask, when culture shifts around you, why are you moved?

My suggestion is that we take our mind off of unstable information around us and become scholars of the information we were sent to represent, rooted in it, where it becomes not just what we think we know, but so confident in it that it is what we live by within our actions, our speech and our emotions. You will become a force of unshakable impact, not when you rage against the land you’re in and demand your voice to be heard, but when your voice celebrates, with confidence and excitement, what you represent, rather than what you oppose.

You must remember that man was only granted the use of a voice, not to voice opinions and not to command man, but in order to declare the principles of the Kingdom on earth, as it is in heaven. Bringing all that treads upon the earth, both beast and adversary, into subjection with the Kingdom and using that voice to celebrate, with praise (remember praise is a weapon!), our King! Do not use your voice improperly.

Let me leave you with this passage from our Constitution, Article Isaiah, Section 12:

“And in that day you will say: 

“O Lord, I will praise you; though you were angry with me, your anger is turned away, and you comfort me.

Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid;

For Yah, the Lord, is my strength and song;He also has become my salvation.

Therefore with joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.

And in that day you will say: “Praise the Lord, call upon his name; declare His deeds among the peoples, make mention that His name is exalted.

Sing to the Lord, for He has done excellent things; this is known in all the earth.

Cry out and shout, O inhabit of Zion, for great is the Holy One of Israel in your midst!”

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Look At Where We Get To Call Home!

Anderson MallThis blog is one of announcement and excitement, not instruction or leadership. 
Where We’ll Be
After several months of planning, praying, proposing, we can now put a face to the name of Rejuvenate Church. We are excited to announce that RC will make it’s home inside of the Anderson Mall! We are proud to call such a central place in the Anderson area, our home. We will be located in Suite G04, which is directly across from Books-A-Million inside the mall and right outside JCPenney. It can be easily accessed in 3 ways: 1. As you enter the main entrance of the mall and make your first right, down the JCPenney wing, we are the last property on the left before heading down the ramp/stairs and into JCPenney. 2. You can enter through Books-A-Million, walk through the store into the mall and we are directly across the way.  3. You can park in the lot in the rear of the mall between Belk & JCPenney and enter through the rear entrance of the mall next to Penney’s. 
A Little Of The Why
Partnering with Anderson Mall creates such a dynamic opportunity for us. We get a chance to connect and touch people everyday. The heart of Rejuvenate Church is to create a culture of ultimate diversity; we believe that RC is the bridge that connects divides. The Kingdom is undivided; we wish to mirror that image. There are very few places that everyone visits, regardless of age, race and socioeconomic status. That mall is that place. This creates an opportunity for us to engage our community and it’s culture, and find ways, through everyday connection, to unify that divide. We want to leave a thumbprint on the Anderson area; we do not want a week to go by that our community does not know that we’re here. Being inside Anderson Mall, puts us light years ahead in that pursuit, already. We’re not convincing people to come to our church; they’re coming to our church to buy their jeans and we get to love them while they do it. We also seek to create a presence in the life of business culture and it’s leaders in Anderson. We believe as being a part of both the Anderson Area Chamber and an integral part of Anderson Mall, we have a great head start. As so many look for ways to do outreach in a community, we’re already there and we’re so excited to invest in the lives of our community, each and every day.
How You Can Help
First and foremost, the most effective thing anyone can do is pray. Your prayers for our vision and the journey to develop that vision, mean everything to us.
Because we are occupying a former retail establishment, there are certainly many things that need to be done to utilize it for ministry. What is so cool, is how God created an opportunity for this place and it is already so layed out to meet the needs of a church, but there is still some renovations that need to take place. Along with the necessary cosmetic changes that need to take place, we now also must furnish the facility with it’s ministry tools, resources,  and equipment; everything from toilet paper to sound and video equipment. This process begins now. If you would like to deposit a seed into the life of this ministry, there are 3 ways we can immediately use your help. 
  1. We have many labor needs for those able to do painting, carpentry, and electrical work.
  2. Resource Donations: Anything from building materials, to office supplies, children’s toys and furnishings, business or lounge furniture, etc. We have lists. Just ask.
  3. If you’re not able to give of your time or make resource donations, we ask you to consider contributing financially to our launch budget. That can be done 2 ways. A: We accept checks made out to Rejuvenate Church or cash and can be mailed to PO Box 51621, Piedmont, SC 29673. B: You can give very securely by debit or credit card through the online giving feature of our website, found here. 
All contributions are 100% tax deductible and will be used to push the dream of Rejuvenate Church. 
If you are interested in helping in some way, please contact us by phone at 864-634-8264 or click here to send us a message through our contact page.
It Starts Now
Beginning the week of September 23, all activities and offices will be moved to the new location; this includes all ongoing Fellowship Groups, intercessory prayer, launch meetings, etc., as well as, all labor and construction that will be taking place over the next period of weeks.
Thank You!
We are so grateful for the many of you that have prayed for us, supported us with your words of faith and encouragement and all that have contributed financially to the DREAM! RC would not be at the landmark moment that it’s at now without you. We celebrate God’s blessings, our new home, and your partnership. There’s work to be done!
Pictures of some of the inside of our property can be viewed below. If you have questions or would like more information regarding Rejuvenate Church, please visit us on our website at RejuvenateChurch.com. You can also get latest information from our Facebook, Twitter and Instagram pages.
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Just Keep Praying

PrayerI just want to take a minute to encourage you. If you’ve ever dealt with a long-standing problem; had an illness that you’ve battled what seems like forever or you’ve had a persistent need that you feel you’ve been praying about for so long and have never gotten an answer from God. Don’t quit praying and faithing.
I don’t always understand why God works the way He does or in the time He does, but He does work. And because you didn’t get an answer or a touch yesterday, doesn’t mean today’s not the day. Give each day an opportunity to be the miracle moment, through continual prayer and faith.
I want to share a quick story with you. Please know that my sharing this is not done to draw attention to myself or to celebrate anything “I’ve” done, rather to encourage you to continue to trust God in the moments that you want to give up praying the most.
Yesterday, at a church, I had a woman come up to me after service that had been trying to find me for 3 months. That long ago, in this same church, I had a chance to pray with this lady. When she came to me that morning, 3 months ago, she began telling me that she had been suffering from severe headaches, daily, for 2 years. Now, if you know me personally and what my wife has been through with migraines, you know the irony in God sending this lady to me to pray for her. I remember, as she shared her struggle with me in that altar, laughing at God under my breath; certainly not at her struggle, but at the fact God would send this headache laden lady to me, to pray for her, while my own home couldn’t even conquer the same issue. 
Anyway, she had tried everything the doctors directed; she was taking tons of medication to attempt to function in life, but really had no life and was losing all hope in her prayers. But she didn’t give up and took one more chance at an agreement in prayer. 
We prayed together that morning in that altar and by her words yesterday, she told me as she left that altar she knew God healed her. Since that morning 3 months ago, after 2 years of debilitating headaches, she has not dealt with another one. She’s not taken another gram of medication and she is enjoying life again.
God answered her persistent step of faith that morning. She came broken, hurt, in pain, tired, wondering if God would ever respond and if her life would ever be normal again, and because she didn’t give up in her prayers and in her faith, God touched her life. In a moment it all went away. 
I tell you that just to say, don’t give up on your prayers and your faith in the Almighty. I know you’re tired of dealing with whatever it is you’re having to go through; I know you want answers, I know you need help and yet each day seems as if nothing’s changing. Be strong. Don’t lose hope in God and your prayers to Him. He is Alpha AND Omega; which means that He not only saw the beginning of your struggle but will be there to see you overcome your struggle. Keep praying today. Keep believing today. Because today could be the day that it all changes in moment.
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Not Sure How To Pray? Simple Guidelines For Prayer

Many of us through the years have taught or been taught that the best way to pray when we’re not sure how, is to just “talk to God like you would anyone else, and just tell Him what’s on your heart!”  I’ve been guilty of this at some point, I know and while telling God what’s on our heart isn’t wrong, it’s not what’s effective. The Bible teaches us that He knows our thoughts, needs, and desires before we even speak, so why just tell Him what’s on our heart?

Prayer is the most effective and forceful tool a Kingdom citizen has, when used effectively. Jesus, modeled this in the sense that He often prayed for hours and performed powerful miracles in minutes. Why just tell God what’s on your heart, when you can be effective and powerful with your prayers?

I’m going to share just a few guidelines for how to pray. The measure that it’s proof positive can be found in Matthew 6:9-13.

  1. Recognize the Source (Abba; Father); you are approaching the Source for all your answers; all your needs; Recognize He’s your all in all.
  2. Worship Him; Adore Him; Magnify Him; Exalt Him; Glorify Him
  3. Be committed to God’s Kingdom and what He wants to accomplish; ask God to fulfill his desires before your own.
  4. Minister to others’ needs. Pray for others. Ask God to protect and bless what’s needed for every part of the process of daily living, for others, as well as, for you.
  5. Consider those you’re in relationship with. Forgive. Don’t allow the sun to set on your anger. Repair broken relationships. When you forgive, you open the endless possibilities for your prayers to be answered.
  6. Ask for wisdom that you don’t put yourself in situations to compromise your relationship with God.
  7. Worship again; give thanks, with confidence, that your prayers will be answered, giving God all the glory.

 

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Turning Bad Habits Into Excellent Habits

Just a short note. Turning bad habits into excellent habits can happen much faster than you think.  Bad habits do not equal bad people, bad habits only equal bad choices that are made consistently over a period of time, creating a cycle of belief that you can’t escape the bad habits, which creates a negative reinforcement for you to continue to make the bad choices that created the habits! Did you catch all of that?

Great people with great abilities, purpose and intentions, can still make bad choices. The deception in the habit is that it gives the illusion that you’ve done them so long and so often, that it’s really who you are and there is no escaping that. Very wrong! While our choices do tend to shape our character image in the eyes of others and even ourself, it is God that determines who we are and even in our broken and crazy lives, He still had a plan of turning things around; redemption!

If your soul can have redemption, then your choices can have redemption. While the choices that you made yesterday, made need some cleaning up today, they do not have to determine the choices you make today, today’s decisions are brand new! What manual told you that just because you drove this route yesterday, you have to go the same route today? Not the case. At some point you’re going to come to a fork in that route that requires you to make a choice. You may have turned left yesterday, but today, right may be the best option. Beginning to make excellent choices today, takes the same amount of energy that making bad choices yesterday took…..with a lot less cleanup! Life’s always better when there’s less cleanup!

I’m confident that your next decision will be excellent!

 

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Simplify Life

In our culture, things shift, develop, change & move so quickly that it creates a “never satisfied/gotta catch-up” mentality. This is detrimental to your health, development, relationships, purpose and success. You never gain the ability to take what you currently have, sharpen it and focus on doing something positive, productive and with purpose. My word of advice for you: STOP. Simplify life! Cut out what’s not needed and fruitful for your growth, development and purpose; the rest is a silent distraction.

Understand this: God set Adam & Eve on the earth, naked; with nothing in their hand and commanded them to rule and have dominion over all of their environment. I think it’s time for us to get naked again! No, not quitting your job and streaking your office….but taking off so much of the excess laundry of life that is beginning to stink because it’s piling up. You’ll find that it’s easier to focus, easier to grow and easier to be more effective. It’s time to sit back and reflect on using what we need rather than using what we want. Our wants tend to create a bigger laundry pile than our needs…..if you don’t believe me take a look in your closet and count the number of clothes and shoes that still have tags!

The Bible teaches us that its not favorable in the eyes of God to be a glutton. Let me stretch your thinking on gluttony. Move past only relating it to eating and drinking and realize the crime behind is, is not partaking in food and drink, it’s taking in an excess of food and drink. God already had this thing figured out for us! Use what you need; simplify life!

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Fasting the Simple Way

Check this out. This is the most complete, direct and guaranteed method of fasting.  Books are good, but this one is better. Continue below:

Isaiah 58:6-14 (NKJV)

6 Is this not the fast that I have chosen:
      To loose the bonds of wickedness,
      To undo the heavy burdens,
      To let the oppressed go free,
      And that you break every yoke?
       7 Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
      And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out;
      When you see the naked, that you cover him,
      And not hide yourself from your own flesh?
       8 Then your light shall break forth like the morning,
      Your healing shall spring forth speedily,
      And your righteousness shall go before you;
      The glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.
       9 Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer;
      You shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’

      “ If you take away the yoke from your midst,
      The pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,
       10 If you extend your soul to the hungry
      And satisfy the afflicted soul,
      Then your light shall dawn in the darkness,
      And your darkness shall be as the noonday.
       11 The LORD will guide you continually,
      And satisfy your soul in drought,
      And strengthen your bones;
      You shall be like a watered garden,
      And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.
       12 Those from among you
      Shall build the old waste places;
      You shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
      And you shall be called the Repairer of the Breach,
      The Restorer of Streets to Dwell In.
       13 “ If you turn away your foot from the Sabbath,
      From doing your pleasure on My holy day,
      And call the Sabbath a delight,
      The holy day of the LORD honorable,
      And shall honor Him, not doing your own ways,
      Nor finding your own pleasure,
      Nor speaking your own words,
       14 Then you shall delight yourself in the LORD;
      And I will cause you to ride on the high hills of the earth,
      And feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father.
      The mouth of the LORD has spoken.”

Now be honest, if you fast, when you fast, it’s usually done with motive. Something in your life, in your environment has gone awry. You need healing, you need deliverance, you need breakthough, family needs salvation, need a promotion, need favor, etc etc etc.  I was challenged by this word this morning, because I, too, have been guilty at times in the past of approaching fasting in that way.  We live and die by the scripture in Matthew 17:21, “However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting, in hopes that this applies to our situation. We fast the way WE want to and the way WE think it should be done.

I’m here to challenge you.  There is no doubt that you have needs, problems that need to be solved, answers that you need, etc, but Isaiah 58:6 says this is the fast that God has chosen! If we’re attempting to petition God on our behalf to gain answers, we’ll have more success approaching things the way He desires. Now look at the passage and rethink the challenge.

God’s choice for a proper fasting approach deals with one thing: your approach to others.  It’s not even what all you pray when you fast, but that your prayers and your actions align. God’s concern is your attitude and actions towards others; v. 6: praying for THEIR salvation; their burdens, their needs, their oppressions; v.7: taking action against THEIR brokenness, their humiliation, their need; v. 9b: remove condemnation from your approach to them and do away with your hypocrisy; v. 10: most of all, show love and Jesus to the pained.

Now watch. Go back to v.8: you’ll get YOUR breakthrough, your healing, your favor, your protection; v. 9: your answers; v. 11: you’ll receive your guidance, your strength and your needs met! If you look at the verse mentioned above in Matthew, when the disciples were questioning Christ about breakthrough and He answered with “prayer and fasting”, it wasn’t for their breakthrough, it was for someone else! A sick boy.

The Bible teaches us that God knows every need we have without having to even speak it.  If you have an understanding of that, then you realize that God is on standby to bless you, to answer you, and to think otherwise shows a lack of faith in God and His word,  but the key to that release in your own life, is that you begin to operate in care and concern for others.  Look again at verses 13-14; paraphrasing, if we can forget about our own needs, when approaching God with prayer and fasting, and begin to turn our attitude and service towards others, God will remember us and restore us to a greater realm than even before.

You can win by keeping it simple: Love God, Love Others.

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Good, Quick Marriage Counseling Part 4: Must read for wives!

Wives, Don’t Be ‘Preachy’With Your Husbands

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands;

that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word

be won by the conversation of the wives;

While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

— 1 Peter 3:1,2

 

Many years ago we had a young couple in our church who were madly in love with each other. Every time I saw them, they were holding hands and looking blissfully into each other’s eyes. We all got such a kick out of watching them and were excited about their upcoming wedding. Several months after they were married, I noticed that this young husband looked downcast and depressed. I went to him privately and asked, “How is marriage?” He replied, “Why didn’t someone warn me about how terrible this was going to be?” I was shocked by his response, so I asked him, “Please tell me what is happening to give you such a bad impression of marriage.”

The husband proceeded to tell me about all the rules his wife had made for him and their household. For instance, if he didn’t read his Bible when he woke up in the morning, she refused to make his breakfast. Her rule was “No Bible, no breakfast!” He told me that many mornings he would go to the kitchen to get his sack lunch for the day, and his new bride would tell him, “Today the Lord has told me that you need to fast, so there won’t be any lunch for you today. You need to spend time in prayer.”

The young man continued to tell me that many evenings when he came home from work exhausted, his wife would order him, “Tonight we are going to sit on the couch and read the Bible together for two hours —you, me, and my mother. Then we’re going to spend an hour in prayer.” When I heard what was happening, I chuckled inside. I knew this sweet little new bride was trying to encourage her husband to be the spiritual leader of their new home, but her approach wasn’t effective. In fact, it was having just the opposite effect she desired. Instead of causing her husband to feel closer to her, this young wife was pushing him far away by constantly preaching at him and demanding that he become the spiritual leader she expected him to be. But after the couple attended a few counseling sessions with me, the wife backed off and let her husband assume his leadership role on his own terms. When she relaxed and let him lead in a way that was more natural to him, the tension left their marriage and they reentered marital bliss!

A wife who takes on the role of preaching at her husband will never find this method very effective. It is usually a huge turn-off for a husband because it makes him feel like his wife, who is supposed to be his greatest supporter, has instead become his corrector and boss. Men resent this behavior. This is why Peter told the wives, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives” (1 Peter 3:1).

In the first century, women came to Christ more readily than men — a situation that has always seemed to exist in the Church. This meant that a huge portion of the Early Church was comprised of women who had come to Jesus Christ but whose husbands remained unsaved. Of course, these women wanted their husbands to be saved, so after a church service, they would often run home and begin to preach to their husbands. They saw themselves as God’s anointed evangelists to bring their husbands into the fold. But those unsaved husbands didn’t perceive this to be a blessing! From the husbands’ perspective, their wives’ preaching sounded like nagging and complaining. This approach produced such negative results that Peter told wives to stop preaching to their husbands and to instead live godly lives before them as their method of evangelizing. Peter wrote, “…If any [husbands] obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives” (1 Peter 3:1).

The phrase “…if any obey not the word…” alludes to unsaved husbands, but it could also refer to saved husbands who are not living in obedience to God’s Word. The words “obey not” are from the Greek word apeitho, which emphatically refers to someone who refuses to be persuaded. This person isn’t just ignorant of the truth; he is defiant and rejecting of it. Therefore, besides referring to unsaved husbands who hear the message and reject it, as Peter was most likely writing about, this phrase could also refer to saved husbands who refuse to do what they know God wants them to do.

I can think of so many Christian wives who want their husbands to change. These wives beg, plead, nag, and pester their husbands all the time to do this different or to do that different. But no matter how hard a wife pressures her husband, he will remain stubborn, obstinate, and unmoved. If God doesn’t touch his heart and cause him to respond on his own, all the begging and nagging in the world won’t change his heart. Wife, whether your husband is saved or unsaved, the method of impacting him is the same. Peter says you can win your husband without ever uttering a single word!

Now look at the phrase “…they also may without the word be won….” The word “won” is the Greek word kerdeo, an old Greek word which means to act cleverly. It was often used in secular literature to depict someone who won a game, such as the game of casting lots. In today’s world, it could depict a person who plays his cards right and therefore walks off with the booty! Therefore, the word kerdeo (“won”) means to wise up; to act cleverly; to play the game correctly; or in today’s vernacular, to play your cards right. Peter is telling wives how to win the game of positively influencing their husbands without ever saying a word! He tells them that the most influential thing wives can do is to let their husbands see their “conversation.”

The word “conversation” is the Greek word anastrophe, a Greek word that refers to how a person rises up and sits down; goes in and goes out; and turns this way or that way. In other words, the word anastrophe gives a picture of how a person conducts his life and how he or she behaves in every situation. By using this word, we are told that there is no message more powerful than a godly life — and that a wife who lives a godly life before her husband greatly impacts his decisions and the way he lives.

 The Greek words used in this text present the following idea:

“…If any refuse to comply with the Word and do what it says, you can still win the game without ever uttering a single word by simply letting your husband take note of and observethe way you live your life before him.”

I am married to a very godly woman. Denise has great influence in my life, not because of what she says but because of how she lives. I see her pray every morning. I watch as she sacrifices to follow me and how she has always done it with a willing and joyful heart. I have watched her forgive those who wronged us and our ministry. I see how attentively she takes care of our sons and how she loves our son’s wife. She stands by me, supports me, helps me, encourages me, and is indeed my closest friend.

Denise’s godly life is her greatest pulpit. I see her rising up, her sitting down, her going in, her going out, her turning this way and that way. Because I know her life and her outstanding attitude, I have great respect for her, and I listen when she speaks to me about things that concern her. In fact, of all the people in my life, my wife has the single greatest impact on me and my decisions. Her godly life has empowered her to have this authority with me. You could say that she won me and my respect because she showed me her life instead of just preaching sermons at me.

This is a good example of Peter’s statement to wives in verse 2 that husbands will “…behold your chaste conversation.…” The word “behold” is the Greek word epopteuo, which in Greek means to observe, to watch, to monitor, to scrutinize, or to keep under observation. The tense used in the Greek indicates a continual observation. This means a husband doesn’t just notice his wife’s behavior once; rather, he keeps a watch on her behavior and attitude all the time.

Wife, let me tell you a secret. Your husband may not tell you, but he is watching you. He sees and is amazed when you remain happy and content in very unhappy circumstances. He notices when you have an opportunity to be angry but choose instead to be silent and to take that anger to the Lord. Your husband observes your uncomplaining attitude when financial sacrifice is required. On the other hand, he also takes note when you blow your top and say ugly things. You can be sure that even though your husband may not tell you, he is constantly monitoring your attitude and responses to the situations of life.

This is why Peter says that you should let your husband “…behold your chaste conversation….” The word “chaste” is the word agnos. It refers to holiness, purity, or irreproachable conduct. In other words, men notice it when their wives are awesome! A wife’s godly conduct is the most influential, powerful sermon she could ever preach to her husband. Peter goes on to say, “While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.” This word “fear” does not refer to the kind of fear that makes a person shake and tremble because he is terrified. In this context, it carries the idea of respect. Knowing that a husband feels valued when he senses his wife’s respect, Peter urges women to live holy lives before their husbands and to do everything they can to demonstrate respect to them.

 The words in First Peter 3:2 could be paraphrased to carry this meaning:

“Wives, your husbands are watching you constantly. They see you rising up; they see you sitting down; they see you going in; and they see you going out. They are constantly observing you, so make sure they are seeing you live a pure and holy life, and give them honor and respect as you do it.”

If you’ve been preaching at your husband to no effect, perhaps it’s time for you to change your method. Make the quality decision to stop talking to him about the things you’ve been wanting him to change in his life. Instead, take your concerns to God in prayer. Leave your husband alone, and let God deal with him. When you suddenly fall silent and cease to preach at your husband, I guarantee you that he will notice a change has taken place in your approach toward him. He will “behold” this change in your attitude. He will “behold” that you aren’t correcting him anymore. He will “behold” that you are leaving him alone and that you have chosen to take a different route.

As you learn to stay silent rather than preach at your husband, he will probably begin to hear the Holy Spirit speaking to his heart. And when your husband sees you maintain an excellent attitude in the midst of circumstances that aren’t going your way, his heart will be drawn to you. He’ll begin to get convicted, and his desire to do more to please you will start to grow.

You see, wife, Peter knew exactly what he was talking about when he wrote that you could win your husband without a word. Therefore, it’s time for you to get before God and ask Him to change your heart and your attitude about your husband. Learn to be clever by keeping your mouth closed and letting your godly life and good attitude do the preaching for you!

*Thanks to Rick Renner’s Sparkling Gems.

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Good, Quick Marriage Counseling Part 3: Must read for husbands!

Husband, You Need To ‘Dwell’ With Your Wife!

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge,

giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel,

and as being heirs together of the grace of life….

— 1 Peter 3:7

  One of the meanest tricks in the world occurs when a man romances his future bride and treats her like a princess as they are courting — but then once they get married, everything suddenly changes! Before the marriage, the man held her hand, walked with her, opened the door for her, called her on the telephone, wrote her romantic notes, sent her flowers, and took her to dinner. He treated her so royally that she viewed him as her “Prince Charming” and felt like she was his queen!

Unfortunately, upon returning from the honeymoon, many new husbands suspend all those romantic gestures that made their future brides feel so special. These men begin to act as if they have forgotten how to show their brides the tenderness to which they had grown accustomed. As a result of this change in behavior in their new husbands, young brides often feel disappointed, let down, and deceived. They inwardly ask themselves:

  • Where is the Prince Charming I fell in love with before I got married?
  • Was that all an act?
  • Who is this man I have married?
  • Who is this man who rarely calls me, who rarely treats me to a date, who seems to have time for everyone except me, and who shows very little tenderness in our relationship?
  • Where did the man go who once treated me so nicely?

Men are often unaware that they are becoming insensitive and neglectful of their wives. Perhaps they get busy at work, or their minds are heavy with details, or they are mentally and physically exhausted. These may be some of the contributing factors that explain why men do the things they do. But regardless of what a husband is feeling or going through at work or in his financial affairs, his wife needs his attention and affection. She married him because she wants to be a part of his life. She has a need to feel cherished by him and to know that he wants to include her in his life.

This is precisely why Peter in First Peter 3:7 told husbands that they are to “dwell” with their wives. The word “dwell” is the Greek word sunoikeo, a compound of the word sun and oikos. The word sun always carries the idea of partnership and cooperation. When the word sun is used in the New Testament, it always connects two or more people into a very vital union. The second part of the word, oikos, is the Greek word for a house. When these words are linked together as they are in First Peter 3:7,it means to share a house together or to dwell together in one residence. But there’s more to this than simply sharing a house together. The fact is, there are many husbands and wives who live in the same house, who eat at the same table, and who share the same bed, yet who don’t really “dwell” together. They are like two ships that occasionally pass each other.

Although they share the same residence, they live separate lives, never really connecting with each other. Because the first part of the word sunoikos (“dwell”) is the word sun, which always conveys the idea of partnership and cooperation, this lets us know that Peter is urging husbands to share their lives with their wives. This is a great challenge to men, who often want to be quiet when they come home after a busy day at work. Many men would rather sit down in front of the television and flip the channels all evening rather than communicate with their wives.

Husband, learning to share your life with your wife is a skill that must be developed. This is why Peter goes on to say that husbands are to “dwell with them according to knowledge.” The phrase “according to knowledge” implies that you must gain understanding of what blesses and distresses your wife. First, you must seek to obtain that knowledge by reading the Word, by reading a good book on marriage, by attending a seminar on how to be a better husband, by listening to a teaching tape on the subject, and so on. Then you must apply what you learn to your marriage if you want to have a happy wife.

For instance, what do you do, husband, when you come home from work in the evening? Perhaps you’re one of those husbands who walks in the door, plops down on the couch, turns on the television, and begins to flip mindlessly through so many channels that it is impossible to focus on any single program. Meanwhile, your wife has been waiting to talk to you all day long, so she sits next to you as you flip from one channel to the next and wonders, Why doesn’t he turn off the television and talk to me instead?

The truth is, you’ve talked to people all day long, and you probably don’t want to talk anymore. But you have a precious wife who needs you at that moment. She has cleaned the house, taken care of the children, cooked your evening meal, and faced her own challenges throughout the day. After an entire day of caring for the children, she needs some adult fellowship. Even more importantly, she wants fellowship with you because you are the one she loves and needs the most. Why not turn off the television, take your wife by the hand, and ask her to take a walk with you? Or why don’t you sit at the kitchen table with your wife and let her tell you all about her day over a cup of coffee or tea? And after she is finished telling you every nitty-gritty detail of her day, take the time to tell her about your day! She wants to know what you did, whom you talked to, what they said, what happened next, and so on. She wants to know all about you and your day.

Also, instead of spending most evenings and Saturday with the guys or with other people, send a powerful signal to your wife that she is important by scheduling time to be only with her. That’s right, husband — spend quality time with your wife! Take her out to dinner or a movie. Do things together that you both enjoy so you can keep your relationship fresh and alive. You need to treat your wife like she is the most central, significant, and important partner in your life. This doesn’t mean you can’t spend time with the guys. Certainly you need fellowship with Christian brothers. However, if you spend every free minute with them and never schedule any time with your wife, you are communicating that your male friends are much more important than she is. Is this the message you want to send to your wife?

As you learn to treat your wife with tender care, it will pay off big dividends in your life. If she is assured that she is a top priority in your life and feels secure in her relationship with you, she will gladly follow you and help you wherever God leads. But if she doesn’t feel valued or secure in her position as your wife, she will find it much harder to follow you with a sweet and submissive heart. She may be afraid that if she follows you, she will ultimately find herself abandoned and uncared for. Thus, how you care for your wife greatly determines how easy or difficult it is for her to follow you.

In my own life, my wife and I actually schedule our times to be together. We plan those moments when we will go for a walk together, go shopping, go to a café to have a cup of coffee or tea, or share a special meal with each other. Like most people, our schedules are very busy. We have found that if we don’t plan these times together, all the other responsibilities of our lives and ministry consume us, and in the end, we don’t spend enough quality time together. But because we both consider our marriage relationship to be the most important relationship in our lives, we treat it like it is important and make certain that we spend quality time together on a regular basis.

Husband, I urge you to make the decision that you are going to do more than just share the couch, share the table, and share the bed with your wife. Share your life with her. Open your heart to her; talk to her like she is your best friend and most important confidant. “Dwell” with her and do everything you can to let her know that no one else is as important to you as she is. If you’re wondering what your marriage will be like if you fail to treat your wife with this kind of tender care, just ask those husbands who have made the mistake of ignoring their wives. They will testify how they hurt their wives, and many husbands will have to admit that they were a big factor in their wives becoming bitter and hardhearted.

When you invest in your wife, you are investing into your own life. You see, if you have a happy wife, you can be sure that you’ll have a partner who is with you all the way. So I urge you today to learn how to dwell with your wife according to knowledge. Make sure that from this day forward, you treat your wife like she is a top priority in your life!

 

*Thanks to Rick Renner (Sparkling Gems)

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